Reform Party of Syria (RPS)

Washington DC - August 11, 2009 (Alfred G. RPS Blog) - Sometime ago, Ahmadinajead visited Assad in Damascus. The visit was made for two purposes: One to show the world that Assad was a master of his destiny because Ahmadinajead comes to him and two for Ahmadinajead to coordinate with Assad on the strategy to defeat the United States.

Or so we thought. Let's peek in to hear what really happened.

Ahmadinajead arrived the Palace of the People (Majlis al-Shaab). He asked first to pray for Assad. Later, he sat on the floor with Assad to discuss business.

Ahm: My people in Syria tell me you have been behaving.

Ass: Yes sir. Everyone thinks the world of me now.

Ahm: But we still have a way to go, so do not get over your head.

Ass: No Sir, I won't.

Ahm: What do the Americans want from you?

Ass: They just want me to help them leave Iraq. Of course, I told them of my conditions you were so kind to suggest to me. They think I am really sincere.

Ahm: Good. Did they ask about the on-going bombs in Iraq?

Ass: They asked if I can get them intelligence on the matter. Mitchell is either clueless or his beliefs in peace making are shrouding his judgment. Either way, we are set for the next step.

Ahm: Remember what you need to do now while we keep our campaign of terror against Iraqis?

Ass: Yes Sir. Make public stands with Iraq. Give the Americans the solid intelligence you want us to give them to earn their trust. Tell the Israelis we really want peace. Did I forget anything?

Ahm: You fool. You forgot about insisting on your messenger services between Obama and me. I need to get this guy off my back with his kindness.

Ass: Oh yes. That one too. But tell me, oh great one, what is your strategy?

Ahm: If you have not figured it out yet, we want our own nuclear bomb to threaten the world with. We know this new administration is like the one that helped facilitate our Khomeini, the blessed one, to come to power back in '79. This US administration will help us obtain nuclear weapons but we have to deceive them first, this is your role, and pressure them at the same time by continuing to kill Iraqis and bomb their cities. This will certainly confuse them.

Ass: What if the Jews around Obama figure that we are deceiving them?

Ahm: Do not worry about the Jews. They're split. Like back during Hitler's era. Some really believe you and some are skeptical. Exactly how we like it. It is your job to keep it that way by insisting on peace. Do you understand me? If they unite again, our plan is screwed. We lose and they win. Again.

Ass: Do not worry. I have some Jews feeding from my own hand.

Ahm: Keep supporting the Palestinian cause openly as well. We need Hamas to dfeat Fatah because we need Hamas for the final solution. Also, do not bring up any issues that could unite the Jews such as the Return of the Palestinians. Understood? What's going on with Nasrallah? He tells me that your last gift to him was worth less than $1 million.

Ass: He is just such a greedy bastard. All he cares about is money and enriching himself.

Ahm: Don't you dare call him by names. Give him what he wants. Always. Understood?

Ass: Yes sir.

Ahm: Now, we are going to kill few people in the near future but we want you to take the credit so the Americans continue to believe you.

Ass: Who?

Ahm: You'll know soon. Our man Shawkat will tell you at the right time and why. Also, we are going to send you fresh intelligence on cells inside Iraq while we build new ones. This plan of deceiving the Americans must work. It is essential because if you succeed, we succeed by defeating them. They still have not figured out what we have in store for Obama.

Ass: Why do you hate Obama so much? He wrote you a nice letter.

Ahm: You are even more stupid than they tell me. This is why. When you turn against your religion, you are worse than an infidel. Obama has turned against his own people and he must pay the price. But first, we need his gullibility as leverage for our own ambitions as the new world order in the Middle East. We have everyone lined like ducks now. Besides, Obama kills me with his kindness and I cannot stand him.

Ass: What if the Israelis hit your installations?

Ahm: Netanyahu is the only one we must pay attention to. He sees what is going on. But again, those peaceful Jews are blocking him. He won't strike as long as the Jews are split and Obama believes that peace is possible. That is why it is important that your peace initiatives are believed. Get it now? We are using you to protect our nuclear bomb. We even succeeded in deceiving everyone that a nuclear Iran is not dangerous. I am so pleased with our propaganda..

Ass: I will do anything to please you. By the way, did you like the pictures of my wife on Facebook? I did exactly what you told me.

Ahm: It was good. It got some press. Anything to build the image that you are secular and independent minded. By the way, once we build the bomb, she has to wear a Hijab. Understood?

Ass: Do not worry. I already instructed Christian and Jean-Michel in Paris to design about 3,000 Hijabs for her. She does not know it yet (Chuckle.. Chuckle).

Ahm: Ok. Now concerning Lebanon..

(Part Two to follow)